A blog about hope, despite the disabilities.
Nurses came in to tell us they were going to need the room, so they were going to move us to another one where we could spend as much time with Catherine as we’d like. I remember thinking how nice that was and at the same time thinking, “Of course they need the room –…
April 5th marked four months since Catherine died. It was 121 days exactly. She spent exactly 121 days in the NICU after she was born. Anyone else find that interesting?
Years ago, when my parents got divorced, my Mom had me make something for her. She never told me why or gave me any backstory, and I never asked. She had an old piece of slate broken into approximately the shape of North Carolina and she asked me to ink a quote on the gritty…
Sarah had to write a personal narrative at school. She’s in 5th grade and came home to tell me she had written about what happened the day Catherine died. The below is published with her permission and all my love. “Give CPR!” I heard my mom yell at 5:25 in the morning. The first thought…
My doctor friend arrived shortly thereafter. Seeing her interrupted my thoughts and pleas to God that THIS was not supposed to be the way our story ended. I saw her walking down the hall and recall thinking “Wow, she got dressed nice!” I guess I expected a “roll out of bed and hop in the…
In the ambulance, I kept kicking myself. Why didn’t I print her medical history last night? I was lazy. Serves me right. I had updated it. All the info was there – just for emergencies like this. But I didn’t feel like printing it, and I honestly didn’t think we’d have an emergency so close…
So many people asked me, “What happened?” in the hours after Catherine died. I repeated the story over and over again – to paramedics… to doctors… to nurses… to clergy… to family… to friends… I finally got tired of it and told them I couldn’t answer that question any more. Numbness took over. Everyone describes…
Two weeks ago, today, I was up at 5:00 AM preparing for my day like usual. Well, not exactly like usual because it’s a Wednesday, and I usually wash my hair on Wednesdays. Two weeks ago, today, I was dragging. The alarm went off and I had to work hard not to hit the snooze…
It’s always interesting how sitting in the hospital makes me want to write. Catherine has pneumonia and we just learned she also has a bowel obstruction. That’s something that wasn’t on my radar! Her belly has been so distended for such a while that it’s become our normal. Lots of questions – from me, from…